Women's Equalization? Are we the Same or is it Better to be "Different but NOT Less?" Women's Health "Equalization"/ Autonomy and Respect.

"Oh you are a Feminist." I have heard that statement more times than I can count, and it is often accompanied by a tone of derision, from mostly men, yet on the flip side of the coin from strong, fellow women I have heard condescendingly, "You are obviously not enough of a Feminist." Which one am I?

I am what I am, a product of my body, hormones, genetic make up, choices, environment and so much more...

Recently, we had a study in our home and the topic of Women's Rights came up. There was back and forth between the males of the group and the two only females of the group which included myself. I find I am often the female minority in Philosophy groups- a point I am still curious of. Is it religious demographic or is it a larger question of female and male? I don't know. Anyway, at one point in the conversation I became fed up and interrupted with, "It's like what we advocate for in Autistic communities....Autism is DIFFERENT but NOT Less. As Autistics we do NOT want the same opportunities as "normal" people. If you put us in an extreme sensory situation we will not measure up. If we are required to give the proper eye contact and the same socially acceptable behaviour as our peers, we will probably not be given the job. What we need instead is greater understanding that although we may have differences and weaknesses in some areas, we will have strengths equal to or surpassing in others. The same should be said for women in general. While it is true that some women can be stronger than men, in general this is not usually the case. But just because we are not physically stronger, does not meant that we should not have the same freedom to try certain jobs ect.

"Different and not less" is about respect for the individual. It's about autonomy and the ability to choose the life that works for us. It is about the ability to bring our certain skill sets and be acknowledged for them or given the time and patience for us to prove our potential in outside the box ways. It's about defying societal expectations instead of conforming to them, but it's also about trying, in our own way to achieve societal contributions and acceptance. It's that fine line between the Yin and the Yang. And it's more work than just general social acceptance and pushing everyone to achieve the same goals.

In Women's Issues, I am getting frustrated because even though we have made substantial steps toward autonomy, the suppression of our clear differences is being affected during these marches to freedom. While there are exceptions to all things and ways of Being, in general, there ARE biological, physical, chemical, psychological, and physiological, differences between the male and female body. These should be celebrated instead of ignored. Also, they are an important part of health and functioning.

In our day and age we still do not talk about the complications of prolonged menstruation and women's health. Women are starting periods as early as 8 years of age and sometimes bleeding into their fifties. This time of menstruating is longer than anytime in history- especially without the multiple breaks of pregnancy that were part of life before this century (which obviously came with other serious health issues.) While the pill has been toted as the "miracle pill", many women are finding after years of being on BC their health problems come back worse and complications arise from long term use, even if they didn't get the horrid side effects that can accompany birth control. Long term effects like increased blood clots, cancer, early death, infertility, hormone imbalanced conditions, and autoimmune diseases ect. Women's health is under researched and not discussed often enough. Even saying the word "period" is often met uncomfortably from both men and women! Yet, the jokes of male anatomy are often met with snickers from all sides at the very least. Birth and menstruation are essential to human life, both male and female and should be an accepted part of conversation in all circles. Until we get to a point where the women's body is treated as more complex in medical situations and with the respect we deserve, women have a long way to go in "equality." Equality does not mean that our bodies should be given the same amount of time as a male patient's doctors appointment, it means we should be given a longer slot of time to be equal in treatment. Fair is not fair. Equality should mean that menstruation and it's potential health effects should be as researched as male pattern baldness even though the money is not in it.

An example of un-equal treatment would be how women are treated when they have heavy bleeding but refuse Hysterectomy, Ablations or the Pill. See THIS ARTICLE. Our system is Male centric. The female doctors that have dealt with my issues often do not have the same issues I do...I honestly believe most female doctors are in the percentage of women who have experienced light, normal bleeding because they probably wouldn't have had the time or energy to get to that position if they had heavy, iron depleted, menstruation month after month. It IS limiting. One in 5 women experience heavy bleeding or complications from their cycles. It is a pretty hopeless situation for those who do not wish to compromise their body with the effects from birth control or have an Ablation and Hysterectomy.

Personally, I know this to be true because I have also been treated with derision, condemnation and rudeness in multiple medical situations because I refused to go on birth control or to have an ablation. I have been heavily anemic for most of my life and have spent the last decade with a Ferritin ranging from 2-9 ( and never higher than 9.) I have been on birth control once and it made my issues worse and my bleeding lasted for months. After extensive reading, many anecdotal stories and the limited research on the long term effects on Women's health, I will never go back on it. That said, I do believe it has a place in society and that for a select few it is the best choice. The doctors are not kind when they realize you will not easily be fixed. It is rare to find a Doctor who advocates for root cause or takes the long term, long hours of digging and care to diagnose the complexity of women's health issues. I have also found women doctors to be especially unkind about this because if the pill worked for them, why wouldn't it work for me? Some of these same women march in Women's Rights rallies which I find slightly ironic. I guess I find acting upon beliefs in the day to day more substantial, although there is a place for marches too, but if we are going to march, we should know the full scope of women's experiences and engage in understanding.

THIS ARTICLE sites, "Recently, Hormones Matter has begun to explore the legalities of the medical informed consent, here and here. With all the adverse effects associated with endometrial ablation, especially the need for hysterectomy later, one must question whether women are informed about those risks. As I have found when investigating this topic, there are few long term studies on endometrial ablation. Many of the articles cited for this post come from paywalled journals that are not readily available to either the patients or the physicians – the costs are prohibitive for both. So it is not clear whether the physicians performing these procedures are aware of the long-term risks associated with ablation. And as one physician suggests, neither the pathologists nor radiologists responsible for diagnosing post ablation pathology are trained to recognize these complications. Without data or access to data and without training, one wonders whether it is even possible to have informed consent for a procedure like ablation." 

Why is it, that in 2019, we still do not have involved informed consent on Women's health procedures? Why is this so under researched? Why are Doctors so prone to slap a "hypochondriac" label or "Anxiety" label on women who are suffering with hormonal issues or bleeding issues that are legitimate and need new cures? Thus far, there are no long term cures for Endometriosis nor for PCOS or Hypothyroidism or many issues that mostly belong to women. We are in an age of scientific discovery and so called "rights" yet we have not even made huge strides in these areas. Or what about the scarily high rates of death and longe term affects in maternal health care? Yes, we have made large strides, and yet most causes of mortality or morbidity are from Doctors mistakes in the Health care system. See THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS and THIS article.

I hear men talk about abortion and the injustice of it and yet I do not hear them talk about the injustice of the rising mortality rate in pregnant women or infant death. Why is that? Every day approximately 830 women die of PREVENTABLE causes of death in childbirth. Until you can talk to me about that issue, I will not listen to arguments of equalization between males and females. Until you can discuss the 4.8 million (as of 2016) females and children being sold into the sex trades and the whopping 85% of women in domestic abuse situations as opposed (to the also sad statistic) of 15% men, you can not talk to me about abortions. 

In my personal birth experiences I had a doula twice to advocate for my rights, and in these situations my rights were still ignored in some regards. My body wasn't treated as my own in my first birth and I suffered severe post partum depression for years after, along with heavy bleeding for 12 weeks and health issues. Nurses were often worse then the doctors. It is a travesty that women are cold to other women and treat these tender issues between life and death as trivial. While birth is an everyday part of life, it is in no way trivial.

Having female genitalia and hormones IS different from having male genitalia and hormones. Equalization would not be fair. We NEED to be treated differently. But that does not mean that we should not have the same amount of opportunities that men have enjoyed in the past. We should have access to our own decisions, and the ability to make a good life, whatever that entails, with personal power.

With my anemia and blood loss every month, I could never hold down a regular job. Other women in my experiences have either understood that because they have been there too, or are generally pretty harsh about it. Are we not all on the same side? Should we not be fighting FOR each other instead of WITH each other? If I choose to stay home and have my husband work, and he is happy to do so, should that not be acceptable? (*If my daughter wants to work and is capable of doing so and her partner wishes to stay home, that should also be a right celebrated.) Am I not still working and still legitimate in the social order of things? If my husband protects me when I am vulnerable and bleeding and can barely get out of bed does that make me weaker or incapable of making my own decisions? Does it mean that he "rules" over me? I am proud that my guy feels compelled to protect me when I am physically vulnerable. FYI that physicality does not mean I am weaker, on the contrary I'd argue it makes me stronger in some aspects to deal with what I do and still BE, but it does mean he has different strengths I rely on during different parts of the month. And I have strengths and protect him in other ways. I want him to open the doors for me. I want to lean on him when I can barely make it to the next room because I am so depleted of oxygen and iron. I want him to advocate for me and stick up for me when the male or female doctors are not listening to me but they will listen to him. It doesn't make up for the injustice of the situation but I'm grateful he is around. And what of the women who do not have a stronger partner or advocate for them (be it male or female?)

When I am pregnant and I choose not to go to war, am I less than a man? If a woman wants to go to war for her country she should. But she is generally in the minority and I think that is ok. If we actually look at the health stats of women in general, we see why that is. Millions of women suffer from minor to major hormone and cyclical or pregnancy/birth related life complications. We ARE at a disadvantage this way. But we also BIRTH life and create in ways that men can't. Men are not less because they do not do this, and we are not less because we can.

Because my health issues are more complex in this female body I am housed in, am I less legitimate? If I am suffering and find myself at the mercy of the medical system to try to find the root cause is it just female hysteria? History says we have made progress, and certainly there have been baby steps, but personal experience along with a majority of anecdotal evidence, has proven we have a long way to go.

I do not want to be equal to a man in body. That's not how I was made. I know a few women who could possibly be equal in the hormonal concoction or perhaps in strength they surpass many men, but in general it is the exception and not the rule, so why are we advocating for this? It will do us a huge disservice. Many middle aged women are stuck between wishing to come off strong to maintain their jobs but also dealing with the hormonal affects of cycles and aging. Before this time men have been the majority in the work place and women have proudly and rightfully found their places, but now we have to ask ourselves, how do we make work places and society more women centric too? Not just females fitting into the male prototype of being able to be constant, instead of a woman who is cyclical and should be proud of her ties to the moon, nature and nurturing? Yes some women are not and that is okay too but for the majority who are - where is our cyclical society? Where are the peer reviewed studies on our long term health affects and hormones? Where are the damaging statistics on many of the archaic procedures and medicines still harming us? Where are the work schedules that allow for our cyclical flexibility?

Anytime this conversation comes up, a man usually brings up the subject of the "de- masculinity" of boys in our culture. While I do believe there are some concerns with the pendulum swinging too far the other way, due to our recent patriarchal past and rightful reactions to this, I still feel the same rule applies to men. I want my boys to be different not less. They can have whatever expression of their lives that they chose. And I wish for them to respect the women in their lives and be aware of cycles, changes and differing health concerns. I also want the women in their lives to respect their different struggles, strengths, health and weaknesses. I am not a man and can not speak for one. However I have and CAN advocate for my husband and boys in many situations. That is what I wish for them to also do for me. We are all human and in that we are equal. Yet, we all have our differences and in this time in history, it is important that we do not ignore these facts, while making crucial steps onward into growth and hopeful change.

Song Choice: Wonder Woman- Kacey Musgraves....I chose this out of a myriad of songs because of this lyric "Don't you know I'm only human? And if I let you down I don't mean to. All I need is a place to land, I don't need a super man to win my lovin' cuz baby I ain't wonder woman." And yes, that is it. WE are the human scope of brilliant diversity...yet we also have distinct challenges in our genetic make up that need to be acknowledged in places of health and the work place. It's complex, it's tricky and it involves the rights of many, but with a case by case approach and societal expressions of different NOT less, it CAN be accomplished. We all can rise to complex life challenges and come out celebrated. ( On a side note Congrats to Kacey for winning the Grammy's Album of the year as it is probably the record I have listened to over and over the most since I bought it the day it came out...YAY!)

Post Edit: I AM grateful for the tests, procedures and birth control we DO have, however in this time of history I think it is reasonable to push for advancements. The realm of Women's Speciality health is still fairly new and we have further to go. Birth Control pills gave us freedom and many countries could still benefit from remedying the lack, however, the side effects and the long term effects need to be more researched and I am SURE there are better alternatives yet to come! For those of us who do not have those options due to family history of blood clots or excessive bleeding or whatever, there should already be ongoing progress into alternatives (Depro Provera alone needs an entire post on it's own about it's dangers and research ect....) Another entire post could be on the comfortability and support during scary tests for women. We could also do better in this department even if it means a few more health care dollars thrown into cheery paint, waiting room art and kinder technicians...I digress because I could go on and on....:) 

The Art of Illness, A Consideration for the Chronically Ill During Flu Season and Convalescing

I love watching the light bounce off my sun decor in my room. It's one of my favourite views upon waking. I'm always stunned at how decor plays a part in my inspiration and helping me appreciate small moments. It also helps when I am sick. It's the small things. I have been run down with a bad cold and coconut oil has also been a soothing companion after my many nose clearing showers. It has helped my lips and face feel less cracked. If I have to be sick, I know I'm in the lap of luxury in my home. 

Being sick has come with a few reminders about the art of illness and considerations for those in our path. Our culture is not a warm one for ill people. We think we are indispensable and so are our children so we send them to school, hours after (or worse- during!), sickness. We thoughtlessly expose people with different immunities and issues. (for a
A docs suggestion of timelines CLICK )
The process behind this mentality is far reaching into facets of ableism and culturally accepted false beliefs on strength versus weakness, bravery versus cowardice, ability versus disability and most of all our own belief in our indispensability and worth. Yes, we are worth a lot individually but we are also replaceable for a time period of healing.

 I have been hit hard by this simple cold and it has been a reminder to me that my boundaries on having people over if they've been sick or exposed to people recently sick (within a two week mark) is not extreme. It was my lack of diligence that brought me here and yes sometimes sickness just happens but I know how I got this one. It's on me. Years ago, each time our children came home from hanging with one segment of their cousins we would inevitably be sick. Pretty much every time, we ended up sick within a week of hanging out. There was always a runny nose, a tummy bug or an intense cough. Because the family belief was that if you are sick, it's just part of community life and eventually you will get over it, thus spending time with people matters more. But what about the other people? Do they seriously want sickness? Is that truly community or is it simply believing in one's own worth a little much? What about the immune compromised? (On the flip side avoiding everyone is not healthy either and there has to be moderation in this. 10 days of not being ill is safe enough. Life happens and illness IS a part of it. We just have to do our best within what we know.)

Maybe for some that truly is a form of love, but if you hold to that, be willing to support those you get sick when they come down with the same bug. If it's about community truly, then one would hope you are making meals for them or cleaning their home or taking care of their children because of the illness you passed on. There actually IS responsibility that comes with contagious conditions within the ten day mark.

Can school be caught up on at home? Is your child really that important to the team? Maybe it's important they learn how to play without them? Do you need to attend that function? Yes the child may be disappointed on missing that party, but there could be other children at that party who will suffer deeply for your choice. Your child also learns to respect others and make sacrifices for health by staying home. They can make up another moment when they are well.

 I'm sure most people can get by without you and you can make it up to them another time. For myself, this week alone I cancelled four appointments that WERE important. One was even a specialist appointment that took months to get in, but waiting an additional month will not kill us in this case, so I tossed it. Because I should be staying home, not passing my germs into the world, and building health to the best of my ability, so I can once again be my normal. I also can not be a caregiver to those in need, due to many factors including my body composite, so I make sure I come with fair warnings, considerate asking, and informing so that a person chooses what they can handle because I know I will not be holding their hair over the toilet bowl.

Contagions matter. People who are chronically ill are not contagious but when they come down with something that is, they follow these rules generally, because they know what it is like to suffer and be sick...and how an extra bug can take someone down quickly.

 People with chronic illness, cancers or different daily diseases are hit harder and sometimes have life threatening complications from bugs that may only run normal immune systems down. The bugs are no fun for anyone, but for most normal immunities they are simply the "common cold or flu." But speaking for all those who have different bodies and may not be as vocal as I am...If you know a person with a daily disease, cancer, extra health complications and chronic conditions and you actually love them, be extra careful when you have been exposed to something. Show up in other ways and wait the two weeks out. It sucks but it's infinitely better then sending your friend or family member to the hospital. 

Those of us who have chronic conditions need to be stronger in our boundaries. We want to get together sooner rather than later, so we say, "It should be fine." Sometimes this is true, but most times if we can, we should wait it out. If my cold gets much worse (and thus far I think it's only an aggressive cold) I will have to go get oxygen and IV. Not because I'm a baby but because already I am low on oxygen, dehydrated and my cell size is a quarter of what they are supposed to be so my body doesn't do this well. I'm staying in bed and drinking water and vitamin C all day. When I get up my heart pounds and it hurts (a common symptom of low ferritin and cardiac arrest is a possibility) but it's under more stress trying to breathe and recover. It's not that sufferers are trying to be pains or attention seekers... in fact generally we go out of our way to seem less high maintenance but the truth is that we have different bodies so we also need different rules of living. It's actually ableist of us to view ourselves as capable as everyone else. We are capable but it shows up differently.  It's also ableist of those that love us to ignore this difference.

We have generally forgotten how to be a patient. Patient literally means to wait it out. Convalescing is about honouring the body during illness. We push ourselves and threaten our communities by exposing ourselves too early when we are recovering. It is important that we learn how to be sick properly. That we take time to rest and honour the vessels we travel through life with. If everyone actually stayed home and convalesced for the appropriate time, the sicknesses that circulate around would probably be cut in less than half. In general, the time we would take for our children and ourselves would pay off with less days of suffering in the end. Not only that but if we believe in any aspect of hospitality or grace, the concepts should extend to how we conduct our bodies when sick and how we expose others. Our choices with small illness, the common cold, flu bugs and stomach bugs affect lives. I know sometimes after a long illness we just want to get out. If that is the case, go for a walk in nature where people are not exposed to you. Don't go to the local bookstore for a break after your child just threw up on you. Find respectful ways to both yourself and those around you to find respite. At the very least, give those you love the option of hanging out and warning before hand, and if they choose to still hang out- that is on them. The consideration is key. Individuals in families may decide to take care of each other despite illness and that is something to applaud. They may risk a bug for someone else and as long as they are taking care of themselves in the mean time and not exposing others in the process, this is commendable. The choice aspect and for warning are crucial. It's a completely different story to sacrifice oneself for another if one is able.

I'm thankful to those who know the rules in my life to keep me healthy and give me the choice to hang out despite the illness or to gently put the option in the future. The pre warning when our children play is huge. Playdates can always be postponed. Friendships can carry on at a later date. Many events we think are so important can often wait while we or others recover. That is the ultimate consideration. The consideration of time and individuality.  Give yourself grace and nourishment and extend that hospitality to others. (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/3189364/Learning-the-lost-art-of-convalescence.html)

I don't actually have a song that comes to mind currently. My brain is fuzzy from illness, however I do have a new christmas song I love this year by Kacey Musgraves for a listen:

How to Support Families of Patients in ICU/Hospice/ Death or Trauma. A Practical Guide to Care for Intensive Care Unit Patients and Families.

*This post can also be transferred over to helping support people grieving in death or in a trauma situation too.*

CONTEXT:
My Husband's mom is on life support, has had blood transfusions and been through what I would deem hell on earth enduring horrid procedures and invasive treatments. Just two weeks ago she was feeling sickly but one of the most vibrant people we knew. To see the dramatic change was especially shocking for my husband. It's not easy to see the people we love hooked up to machines and fighting for their lives, however, I find it easier than seeing them conscious struggling to deal with pain. Being in the ICU has had me thinking about how people can help support families of ICU patients. This post also applies to Hospice situations. The following list has ways of support, numbered in order of importance, if you are wondering how to help or aid people in these circumstances:

HOW TO AID FAMILIES AND LOVED ONES AFTER A DEATH OR DURING ICU:

1.) Financial.

For some, the thought of giving money may feel heartless or cold because most people want to be in on the emotional aspect of support. Some people do not love to throw cash at a situation and not see results. However, this is the BEST way to support families of loved ones in ICU. Unless there is a child under 18 in ICU, there are not free supports to help the spouse or loved ones stay the nights. Sometimes the medical staff will allow a chair to be pulled up to spend the night, but when the ICU care lingers on for weeks at a time, this isn't feasible. Hotels will give 20 percent off, if there is a signed form from the hospital, but even within that, it adds up fast after days upon days. Most people do not have the budget for constant hospital trips, hospital parking (which is INSANE), food, work days taken, and fuel to travel back and forth. (This also applies to Hospice.)

This is also a good idea during a death. Death is expensive for the family and it's the last thing they need to think about. In order for the spouse or close loved ones of the family to be a part of things, they need to know they have the finances to sustain the support. Our father in law is retired and savings are meant for living costs which makes this situation tougher. Each time we have gone up to the city hospital to ICU we try to pay for at least one of his meals and bring him anything he would request at our cost if possible. We know others are doing this too, which helps, but he could use more support. We have contacted his church and they will also help him if possible within the next few days.

Coming from our situation, as the son and daughter of the person in ICU, we have also not been able to go up as much as we would like due to finances. My husband has already taken three days of work to be a support and also for his own sanity as he wanted to see his mom every day. We have gone up consecutively three days in a row. My husband is very close to his mom and they both have a deep understanding of each other, especially in the last few years. Being the baby of the family, his mom is the closest one to him. For us, the money for the last three days of work lost, childcare, fuel, food and parking has already equalled a significant loss. It was worth it for us but we can not imagine how hard it must be for people who have to be there constantly. We are very grateful we have such a supportive work team and site manager for my husband. Understanding goes a long way.

When you are not worrying about money, it is easier to be nourished with food and rest, so that one can support to the best of their ability, the person in trauma. Whether it is gift cards to gas stations, food places ect, prepared meals within the diet of the person affected or nutritious baking and snacks to carry along, or cold hard cash...this is THE most helpful way to carry a family through ICU. If you know the spouse or closest member to the patient, give money to them. If you are closer to the children or secondary people to the patient in ICU better, give money to them because if each person does this accordingly, each person will be supported and able to be a better support to each other without the stress of meeting basic needs. This also applies to family of a deceased loved one.

DO NOT WORRY IF YOU CAN NOT DO THIS- SEE BOTTOM OF MY POST FOR MORE.

2.) Emotional care, prayers of support, and words of affirmation. 

People who are alone in ICU with no other family would put quality time ahead of this and need others to show up to be with them as second instead of third (which I will get to in a minute.) However, people who already have a lot of family showing up don't need the chaos of more people speaking into the situation. But they do appreciate words of support and care. ESPECIALLY if their nutrition, sleep needs, and care of their body is being met (see number one again.) THEN their soul care can commence. If number one is not being met, number two is very hard to process or absorb. But number two is important in the form of cards, quick texts of prayer/thinking support, words on Facebook the person can catch up on when time is available, and garnering encouragement from others for the person going through this is invaluable.

3.) Quality Time. 

Obviously this depends on personality as Introverts will only want one or two people keeping them company and spelling off shifts in ICU. Extroverts may want their whole family and even some friends present as much as possible. Someone in the middle may need a varying of both. My father in law falls in the middle though he can be more introverted, he also appreciates people around him. He needs down time but he also really enjoys a lot of support. Feel out the situation accordingly. Quality time is offering to bring the family food, taking turns sitting in ICU with the patient while the other gets rest, taking turns learning the details of the situation to pass on to well meaning acquaintances who need updates (because it is hard to absorb in the moment), and tag teaming the nurses and doctors for information and support. Depending on the person, hugs and a shoulder to cry on will also be valuable. A general rule of thumb is if they are a hugger and touch freely in most situations YOU initiate the touch, if they normally are NOT, let THEM initiate but be open to it or only slightly move in and allow them to make the rest of the movements. Only break this rule if you are a spouse, sister or especially close to the individual. If you are close, even those who are resistant to physical touch may appreciate this action without being asked but if they pull away, allow them their space.

4.) Acts of Delegation and Service:

Time starts to lose meaning in the hospital. Often the main people involved are consumed by their presence in the hospital and do not get to their homes for days. Checking their mail, taking out garbages or doing basic life upkeep at home doesn't happen. If you live near to the person offer to do one of these things regularly until time of recovery. Make it something you know you can do. If you are a trusted friend, the mail would be a great thing to do, and weekly bringing them the envelopes that look most pressing and putting any junk in a pile on the table for a later date or watering plants. If you are a neighbour or close living friend make sure their garbage from before has gone out. Other examples would be checking up on the home, doing laundry, taking care of the pet, having freezer meals, or offering to be a delegate for other responsibilities.

5.) Follow Up

A lot of people tend to rally together for the most dramatic part of the process when someone is admitted to ICU, impending death or death, or the life support moments. While this is fantastic, sometimes the hardest part is actually later. If there is a death, it is the grinding normality later, after the highs of emotion and drama, that need more support...and that is when everyone else has already forgotten or moved on. If there is recovery, people forget the trauma involved on the patient, that their mind will be forever altered, and that the experience changed everyone involved. Often it's the time AFTER a patient is home that they need support, that they want to see people and need meals brought to them. They are still weak, have been through so much pain, and don't really remember the people who were there during their darkest moment. To them, the darkest moments seem to be in normality. It takes months for an ICU patient or a loved one after death or the hospice experience, to get back on track. For instance, in our mother's case, there is only a three in ten chance of her surviving the first year due to re- occurrence in her certain situation. Obviously that is not something we are dealing with now nor have we informed her spouse of those odds. When speaking to the nurse and doing our own research this information was at hand. If she makes it through she has a long road ahead. She is a fighter but it helps to have support during the first year emotionally and physically to keep on fighting. Pain can become old hat to those not suffering it. For those in chronic illness it is easier to understand that pain is always fresh to the one experiencing it and it tends to require moments of respite and understanding. (Post Note: Our mother did pass away within the month of this post.)

If you are a loved one or acquaintance who wants to support families who are going through trauma, a death or ICU, I would advise for you to think clearly on what you are able to give and divide it in half.

Cutting your Ability to Support in Half. For During the Difficult and AFTER the Major Moments: 

Do half of what you can give in the high intensity moments, and give the other half once recovery or or funeral is over. This way the patient and family gets some support in BOTH circumstances. If you can not give money but have some extra baking, take it to the ones whom you know the most. If you have extra money give some to the person most affected and if you have a bit left over, give to the person you know best in the situation. If you can not possibly give anything physical, and are not near to the situation, send prayers and thoughts, or save yourself for a time you can be near the person involved to listen to their stories later when it is needed. If you are a far away friend that can afford to send the gift of music through a ITunes transfer card, coffee vouchers, department store gift cards for basic needs, or some sort of sensory treat- don't be hesitant to do this- beauty is important too.

Taking Care of Your Needs too and Personal Boundaries:
Every day life is hard. A lot of us can not be there for everyone all the time. All of us share the human experience of trauma or heartbreak at some point. It is ok if you can not speak into an other's situation because you have enough on your plate. You also need to take care of your needs. Sometimes we just can not think of one more person or meet one more need, even if we have the resources. Let go of that guilt. As an INFJ I tend to want to save the world. I have really stepped back from that the last few years and have created boundaries to make me more accessible to the people directly in my world. However, at times I will send my friends a care package or something tangible, but I can not do it as often as I used to. The one aspect I will always bring to the table is a counselling spirit or a listening ear. I try to use that gift well and maximize who I am, where I am in the world, and the immediate circle I affect and then work out from there.

What I am saying, is that the more you listen to your heart, in both giving and boundaries, the more you will meet the needs around you that are needing you the most. It is ok to let go of the ones you do not. Some people need to work on helping more and others less. Know thyself to help aid others.

May you find solace in support and in your self in the deepest darkest moment. May you have moments of lightness...a smile, a warm breeze, and nourishing food even when your heart is breaking. And I hope that you know, that in each circumstance you are giving by existing. Make use of that.

Song Choice: I felt the Fellowship theme from Lord of the Rings was appropriate as we are all on this journey. Forgive my geeky LOTR analogy, but each person on that journey to save middle earth, gave their own unique gifts to the situation. Without them as individuals we would not have had the whole. While Frodo was the main hero in the story he was supported by ever steady Sam, insightful advice giving Galadriel, wise Gandalf, humourous Pippin, warrior and kingly Strider, and a multitude of other players that helped keep the darkness at bay. The same can be said of each of our roles in the every present darkness of life. We can make a difference simply by knowing ourselves and what we bring to the table. Do not underestimate your story. Life is a drama and better than a movie. We can be part of the beauty as well as the pain.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CXGG3_prGA

This is a upbeat song choice so do not listen if you are not in that space...I just thought I would also add some hopeful happy to the post:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJYXItns2ik

Proposed Improvements for the Hospital Environment (Life saving/ Boost to Economy/Improved life and deaths ect.)

"A visit to a U.S. hospital is dangerous and stressful for patients, families and staff members. Medical errors and hospital-acquired infections are among the leading causes of death in the United States, each killing more Americans than AIDS, breast cancer, or automobile accidents (Institute of Medicine, 2000; 2001). According to the Institute of Medicine in its landmark Quality Chasm report: “The frustration levels of both patients and clinicians have probably never been higher. Yet the problems remain. Health care today harms too frequently and routinely fails to deliver its potential benefits” (IOM, 2001). Problems with U.S. health care not only influence patients; they impact staff. Registered nurses have a turnover rate averaging 20 percent (Joint Commission on Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations, 2002)." (Quote from HERE_ CLICK)

"The research team found rigorous studies that link the physical environment to patient and staff outcomes in four areas:

1. Reduce staff stress and fatigue and increase effectiveness in delivering care
2. Improve patient safety
3. Reduce stress and improve outcomes
4. Improve overall healthcare quality" (Quote from HERE_ CLICK)

As a person with a chronic disease I have spent too many nights in emergency rooms. While I am thankful for the healthcare I have access to and am eternally grateful for the medical workers in my past, my time spent has brought up a few potentially life changing ideas for Hospitals to implement. Because I believe in some of these ideas wholeheartedly I am lifting the copyright for this post only. This article may be plagiarized, added to, circulated, hash tagged...whatever forum works for you to share- share it. Probably others have had these ideas but I am putting them out there for writers to improve upon, researchers to add data to, and business managers to circulate to hopefully government attention.

In varied parts of Europe some hospitals incorporate bits of beauty and sensory appeal into their hospital spaces. Not only do they have shorter hospital stays because of this but they also have an overall improved quality of life. I am not talking about patient satisfaction or bedside manner. There are many doctors who could improve in this area but are still good doctors who prevent death. This actually isn't about the doctors at all or about being an environment like the Ritz. It's about a few small changes that can improve the air quality in hospitals cutting down on germs and big strain bacterias, a few inspirational improvements for mental health to put less pressure on nurses, and making use of our businesses to not only boost health but economy.

This article (CLICK HERE)  talks about how one third of our hospitals may close by 2020. Some of our most intimate and vulnerable moments happen at hospitals and we are not paying enough attention to how we can change the rates of death and optimize comfort without catering like a four star hotel.


PLANTS and GARDENS
The most important factor to start out with is plants. CLICK HERE for information on how hospital gardens not only help patients heal but also employees. "One finding, in particular, surprised Cooper Marcus and Barnes. Stressed hospital employees accounted for as many visits to hospital gardens as stressed patients, and interviews confirmed that staffers depend on the greenery." Every hospital should have a small indoor greenery room. In addition to this, each room with a window should have one toxic air cleaning plant up in a high corner where no one, other than the watering staff, can reach it. Many tropical plants are hardy, cheap and effective in removing germs from the air. They are only toxic when ingested or sometimes touched. If it is in a far corner of the top part of a room it will not only help with germ control but improve a patients well being simply by looking at it. The only exception would be in rooms that have patients who self harm as they may be tempted to ingest but otherwise this idea will help cut back on dangerous bacterial strains circulating in the air, patient discomfort, and improve employee health. Local gardening business can offer plants half price to hospitals but still be making money due to demand. The cleaning staff can add watering once a week to their list which will also improve their attitude as it is proven that simply taking care of a plant can boost quality of living. It's a win win.

HUMIDIFIERS

"Correct humidity is essential to patient health, staff comfort and prevention of electrostatic damage to medical equipment." "A comfortable, healthy atmosphere is necessary for rest and recovery. If a health care environment is too dry it will not only hinder a patient’s recovery but will also encourage infection and further illness. Deviations from the mid-range of relative humidity (RH) of 40-60% can reduce air quality by causing an increased growth of bacteria, airborne infection, sore eyes, sore throat, increased static and dust, and premature coagulation.  

Dry air will attempt to pull moisture from all possible sources in a room including mucous membranes. Mucous membranes are our bodies natural defense against airborne infections. If our membranes dry out we are more prone to colds, flus, and viruses." Quotes taken from THIS ARTICLE_CLICK) and Here is another article citing similar finds (http://www.condair.com/human-health-comfort-humidification/hospital-healthcare-humidification-humidity-humidifier) I realize these are companies stating their facts, but even on a personal level, those of us who use humidifiers find that we are sick less, have a shorter duration of illness, and as a bonus we provide our plants with nourishment. The emergency department in each hospital should have humidifiers for the proper square footage of the space. There are companies who specialize in this and there are many options out there. This not only saves the staff but saves our hospital dollars in general because less super bugs are costing less money to fix, less germs are being spread around reducing the costs, and less nurses are taking time off or are sick themselves spreading their germs in the air. This strategy should also be used in any room that contains bacterial and viral patients for the sake of both patients and health care workers. It may cost more initially but long term the costs WILL go down. 

CLOROX AND AT LEAST TWO BATHROOMS PLUS A STAFF BATHROOM FOR EVERY EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT

In my home town the small emergency department has one bathroom for seven beds and one staff bathroom. No matter how small the department, if a space has more than four beds it should have at least two bathrooms. Many patients are throwing up or having diarrhoea and one bathroom is not enough. Staff need to have their own to cut down on what they spread and contract and patients should have the option of two. I know there are bed pans ect for emergencies but to add an additional bathroom when building any new hospitals is a must. This will also cut down on what is spread. In each bathroom there should be a regular supply of clorox wipes or at the very least a note on the door asking patients and staff to not only wash their hands but use soapy warm water to wash and dry the toilet handles and the water handles and door handles each time *unless they are too sick to accomplish this of course but many could. Clorox may be pricey but perhaps they could provide a discount and still get more business to work for the company? I am not a business person and I ask whomever circulates this article and knows business to crunch numbers for me. Regardless this idea would cut down on circulation of disease along with less crummy work on the cleaning staff.

COLOURED PAINT ON THE WALLS ALONG WITH ONE NATURE SCENE

Anxiety affects the nervous system and the bodies ability to heal. Colours have been proven to make a difference in patient health and the rates on which the patients will recover and stay out of hospital. Please read this paper for more: http://etd.fcla.edu/UF/UFE0000857/edge_k.pdf "Choose colors that coordinate with existing furnishings.

Choose colors that are not believed to be harmful to the patients. Test a variety of color palettes.
Test various hues, intensities, and values.
Remove as many of the environmental factors that may effect a patient’s recovery as possible." To help choose a colour check out a site like this: http://www.healthcaredesignmagazine.com/article/healing-hues-choosing-paint-colors-healthcare 

In addition to colour other than white on the walls, there should be on healing nature scene in each room. This does not have to big ( 11 by 14 is good) and it should be wipeable on canvas or something similar but should contain either trees or water as a healing, neutral place to rest the eyes. Many patients focus on images like this when they are dealing with pain. It not only makes an easier time for medical staff but increases the self worth and belief crucial to convalescing for patients. This can be outsourced as a challenge to local artists by donation ect. The role of the physical environment on death rates, stress and overall well being is huge and can be addressed with a few pictures.

BLANKETS WITHOUT HOLES:

I love when the nurses warm up blankets for me as I physically do better and mentally prepare myself for whatever is ahead in my journey with this small comfort. Unfortunately with holes in blankets this warmth is very short lived. I had a wonderful nurse once who kept warming up my blankets because each time she didn't I went into into a form of shakes and shock  due to a condition I had. She could have been saved her valuable time and my peaks of stress could have gone down with a blanket without holes. Even a costco throw blanket is better than many blankets the hospital has. Body temperature is a crucial part to recovery and peace. I know it has to be easy to wash and less texturized for germs but there are many fabrics that may be able to achieve this balance.

HONEY INSTEAD OF SUGAR for all foods in the hospital, teas and coffees. TEA bars instead of Cola Machines

Sugar is one of the biggest culprits to prolonging illness. It has a directly negative affect on bodies and causes organs to work that much harder. It is also a huge part of hospital food. While I disagree that hospital food should be amazing, it should be nutritious. There should be no other option for non diabetic people besides honey for sweetener in teas and coffees. Unless there is an allergy, honey is not only soothing but beneficial to health and aids in recovery time and lessens bacteria. If this is outsourced from local farms at cheaper prices everyone wins.

Also herbal teas and decaffeinated options should be in place of every cola box in a hospital. If people are that desperate for cola they will find a way to get it anyway.

There are many other ways we can improve hospital care. This is a starting point that will lead to other improvements. I could suggest many other practices and mentalities but I feel this is an important start. Small changes that could potentially create huge change.

In North America hospitals are where the majority of life begins and sometimes ends. It is the starting brick to life. Health is the cornerstone to a strong country. For too long we have neglected the environments of the places we go to heal, begin our journeys into life and too often die in.  While too many changes would not be feasible there are small adjustments we can make to our hospitals to promote faster healing times, memorable birthing experiences, and healthier care workers. Some of these ideas can give business opportunities to bigger companies like Honeywell, Tetley or Clorox and smaller local companies, greenhouses, and honey farms. At first there will be a start up cost but in the end these ideas will save thousands of dollars in longer term health care costs.

Please pass this article on, tweet it, Instagram it, show it to local business owners or people who have access to spreading big ideas. Take whatever words you wish that are mine in this post as I am lifting my copyright for this POST ONLY. For the rest of the blog there is still copyright and no duplication is allowed unless given permission for my words and images.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.